Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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