Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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