i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
