If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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