i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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