I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
