He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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