On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You took a bar mat shot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
