I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
