i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
