Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
