she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
