walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
