Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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