Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
