I just made out with a guy for $7.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
