So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
