This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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