you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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