I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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