I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
