Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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