Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
