we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
