Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
