So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
