I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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