you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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