Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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