I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
