I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
