now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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