I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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