I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
