if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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