So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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