You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
