The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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