I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sext me about skeletons
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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