I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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