Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
