Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
