he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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