My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
