then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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