So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Found your dick twin last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
