I'm so fucking centered right now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
