Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
