I wish my penis had an off switch
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
