I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
