we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The beer is more important than you right now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
