wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
