The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
