I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
