My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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