I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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