i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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