I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
