i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
