Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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